I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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