yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
