just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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