Apparently you make a good broom.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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