Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
