Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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