At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
