We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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