my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
