It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Found your dick twin last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize