he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
