god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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