I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
