So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize