i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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