Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
