This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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