guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
