ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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