Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
whose ass print is on the piano?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
