I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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