so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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