She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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