I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
