I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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