Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
