I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
