He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
