I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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