please come you make the beer taste better
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
