I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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