So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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