i barfeds in our rink
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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