carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
