I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
