You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
