I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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