Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
