i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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