The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There are leaves in my underwear?
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