When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So. Much. Porn.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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