She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
