Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
