Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
