O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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