You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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