Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
