Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
