u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
