what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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