How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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