listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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