you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
