pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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