too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
