He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
two words...techno handjob
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is Oprah even human
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
