what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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