Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
