if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
