the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
