U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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