She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize