just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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