I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize