I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
