You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
