just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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