I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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