dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
