i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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