I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize