you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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