Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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