remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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