Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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