so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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