im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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