Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
