she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
